Nugget #410

I was just diagnosed as tripolar. It's like being bipolar, but I swing between depression, mania, and almost sneezing.

Nugget #409

Happiness is the best revenge, unless the person you're getting revenge on is also happy, in which case it's just a tie, I suppose. In that case, give their kids some cigarettes.

Nugget #408

I prefer to think of it as a convenience fee for unkidnapping.

Nugget #407

I look best shirtless when standing and leaning back, so needless to say I get a lot of foot injuries.

Nugget #406

I'm standing in the bread aisle, and it hits me: Exactly how many grains are there?

Nugget #405

What percentage of Ultimate Frisbee players are acting out Tron fantasies?

Nugget #404

Have you ever pooped while putting your socks on? It takes surprisingly little practice to master.

Nugget #403

Did you know Han Solo's middle name is Blake?