Nugget #385
You know those kooky t-shirts that say something like "If you can read this, pick my drunk ass up off the floor" written upside-down on the back of the shirt? I'm going to make my own shirt exactly like that, except it says "Fuck you."
Nugget #384
What would I do to be with Natalie Portman? I would travel back in time and sexually assault my younger self, effectively scarring my emotional development for decades to come. You think I wouldn't? To be with Natalie Portman? I most certainly would, friend. Bet on it.
Nugget #383
To anyone who says I have contributed nothing towards modern dance, let me whisper two words into your fey little ears: Bath Dancing.
Nugget #382
What would I do to be with Natalie Portman? I would become an elephant poacher to be with Natalie Portman. I would butcher elephants, and be haunted by that fact for the rest of my life.
Nugget #380
I just realized why cyclists at stoplights try to balance on their bike for as long as possible instead of just putting a foot down. And here I was assuming they were just being dicks like usual.
Nugget #379
What would I do to be with Natalie Portman? I'll tell you what I'd do. I would destroy the entire planet Earth to be with Natalie Portman. Today. Right now.
Nugget #376
If I were in Groundhog Day instead of Bill Murray, I would Grand Theft Auto the bejesus out of Puxatawny.
Nugget #375
Andie MacDowell will be selling adult diapers in twenty years, and will still be an arousing woman.
Nugget #374
If I were a movie director, I would have Slimer be a secondary character in all of my films.
Nugget #372
The key to becoming a Honkey Tonk country music legend is being named Lefty, Feron, Slim, Merle, Porter, Webb, Buck or Skeeter.
Nugget #369
I'm writing an erotic literature trilogy for pre-teen girls, and I tell you, I am just stumped.
Nugget #368
My son asked the Make-A-Wish foundation to help him live long enough to experience his first kiss, but meeting Brent Spiner is pretty good, too, I guess.
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